I found this in the April 2003 Edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine and thought I’d share it with our viewers. I have omitted some parts, as I feel that they are not conducive to a virtuous lifestyle, but over-all the article had some good points. -Rebecca
“You know those pairs who are so giddy, it doesn’t quite seem legal? Well, stop drooling over their bond for a second, and instead steal these six rituals that all love-intoxicated twosomes have in common. Weave them into your world and Start to bliss out your own relationship.”
By: Michele Bender
“There are couples, and then there are those couples: the deliriously gaga, devastatingly happy pairs who radiate that love buzz. Just looking at them makes you want to gag, roll your eyes, and (admit it) join their club. Even if your own relationship rocks, you can’t help but wonder, ‘What do they know that I don’t?’ Well, it turns out they do have a few secrets that deep them so devoted. Fortunately, they’re little things everyone can do in their own union. “This type of ecstatic couplehood is 100 percent attainable for anyone,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., author of Don’t Bet on the Prince! “As long as you make a few simple principles a priority in your day-to day life together, you can create an intensity and spark that will last.”
Here, the six traits that keep these twosomes so thrilled and utterly fulfilled.
Habit One: They Have Their Own Lives.
Sure, in those giddy stages of romance, it’s impossible not to be attached at the hip. That’s normal. But eventually, being a four-legged love machine means you can easily lapse on the things you and you alone enjoy- for instance, missing out on every foreign film because he prefers sci-fi. “That’s not healthy for your union,” says Michael Broder, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? “To go the distance, it’s important that you allot some time to spend away from each other,” insists Broder. “Think about it- your unique personalities are what brought you together in the first place. Give these things up just for your partner and you’ll lose the excitement and feel suffocated.” In sum, take the time to do what you love and you’ll not only feel happier but you’ll also have fresh insights and conversations to bring into the relationship. Plus you’ll teach each other a few new things when you do spend time together. Rachel, 23, learned this the hard way. “With my ex, I blew off everything-seeing friends, going to the gym- to be with him. It was fine for a few months, but after a while, I felt bored,” she says. “So, when I started dating my new boyfriend, I insisted that we regularly have days where he goes skiing and I go shopping or out to dinner with friends. My life stays interesting and I’m in a good mood more often, which, of course, makes me a more fun girlfriend who continues to surprise him.”
Habit Two: They Create Their Own Customs
Whether it’s a favorite restaurant designed for special occasions or popcorn and laundry dates every Sunday night, having a one-of-a-kind routine that you call your own can boost your bond in a way other things can’t. “Sharing little rituals identifies you as a pair,” says Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist and professor of communications at the University of Louisville in Kentucky. “It’s uniquely your thing, and it creates a feeling of connectedness between the two of you. No other couple will do it quite the same way, which makes your relationship irreplaceable.” Having these “dates” also guarantees that you make time for each other, no matter how nutso your lives become. It works for Lily, 26, and her boyfriend, Jake, who live two hours apart. “The long distance can take its toll, so every other Tuesday night, we meet halfway for dinner,” she says. “It’s something so simple, but we look forward to it all week, and love knowing that Tuesday night is our night.”
Habit Three: They Remember Not to Take Each Other for Granted
It’s a sign of close couplehood when you and your man go from merely dating to that secure stage where you can tell him anything. “But, there’s a big difference between getting comfortable and getting sloppy,” says Carle. “When you’re comfortable you feel like he’s your best friend with whom you can share a lot. When you get sloppy, you start to lose the mystery and start taking each other for granted. If you barely thank him for taking out your trash, ask yourself if you would have acted differently when you first started dating. If so, shape up now,” says Carle. “Letting go of manners sends the signal that you don’t care about what he thinks of you- it’s like saying, “I don’t need to impress you anymore because I know that you’re always around.” Another way to show how lucky you feel to be part of such an awesome twosome is to do favors for each other without being asked. Claire, 24, says, “Jackson will wash the dirt off my headlights so I can see better while driving at night or surprise me with candy during a stressful week. They’re things I could easily do myself, but his doing them reminds me that we’re special to each other.” Rewarding your guy with similar tiny tasks- whether it’s complimenting him when he looks hot, putting stamps on his mail, or surprising him by renting The Matrix (yes, again)- will show him that you still appreciate him, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Habit Four: They Still Make Out
Note: Pure Victory Ministries believes kissing is a great way to connect with your spouse, however, “making out” should be reserved for married couples. While kissing itself is not an issue, passionate kissing in typical “make-out” fashion can lead to fornication and should be avoided until marriage.
In the beginning of your relationship, endless smooch sessions are a given. And one key trick to staying connected couple is to keep those mouth-to-mouth moments happening. “Kissing passionately keeps the pilot light on in your relationship,” explains Clifford Penner, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Pasadena California. “More than any other physical act, kissing is associated with the initial whirlwind stage of romance and passion, so it brings that same fire back into your union. It’s also such a personal activity that no two couples do it the same way,” says Penner- over time (and with plenty of practice), you and your guy develop your own smooch style that’s distinctly yours. Ban the quick peck and make it a conscience point to kiss passionately on a regular basis. Maya, 25, knows the magic of mouth-to-mouth. “Andy and I have a rule: we never leave for work or say goodbye without a kiss- not a peck, but a real smooch,” she says. “We can even make time for it when we’re running late, and that way, we leave for the day reminded of how connected we feel to each other.”
Habit Five: They Fight to Resolve, Not to Win
Conflict is a fact of life for any relationship. Still, fighting (stinks). But if you feud the way happy, thriving couples do, those clashes will actually bring you closer. The secret is on focusing on making progress, not scoring points. “Getting angry and trying to make each other feel bad or make the other person admit they were wrong may make you feel triumphant in the short term, but your relationship suffers overall,” explains Broder. “Ending a fight angry and without a resolution gyps you out of a chance to make your relationship roll forward. Your aim should be to deal with issues so your relationship can be stronger and so you have a deeper understanding of each other,” says Broder. By resolving things or at least coming to a compromise, no one’s left a loser and you feel like you’re on the same team, not enemies duking it out. For example, you’re fighting with your guy because he was 40 minutes late meeting you for dinner. Though you want to make him feel one-inch tall for leaving you sitting solo at the restaurant, your best bet is to tell him how you felt and then come up with a plan for the future, like always checking in with each other via cell phones just before you leave to meet up. That way, you’ve increased the odds it won’t happen again and can enjoy your meal without staring daggers at each other over dessert.
Habit six: They Get Sappy Sometimes
Suppress your gag reflex and let yourself get a little gooey. Blissfully bonded couples are okay with exposing their mushiest sides to each other- in fact, they have a blast doing so. “Giving in to those goofy impulses provides a peek at each other’s quirky side, one that’s lighthearted and silly, not stressed and serious,” points out Carle. That’s the vibe Tess, 23, feels when she and her guy unleash the loopiness. “We put on the lite radio station and sing cheesy love songs, sometimes even acting out the duets. It’s totally absurd and dumb, but I admit, I get all schmoopy about it,” she says. “And the fact that my macho boyfriend can let down his guard shows me how comfortable he feels with me how comfortable he feels with me, not to mention committed, since he’s not going anywhere when I know he digs Barry Manilow!” Another way to up the mush quotient is to do the things you did in the early days of your relationship- like picnicking in the park or leaving each other love notes, “For many couples, re-creating the experiences they shared when they first fell in love can be as useful as traditional counseling in helping to improve their relationship,” says William Ickes, PH.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Arlington. Emma, 28, agrees. “My fiance and I love reading all the letters we sent from our separate colleges the spring we started dating,” she says. “It’s hilarious and sweet and reminds us of those early exciting and nervous I-think-I’m-in-love feelings.”
For Every Great Battle, There is a Great Victory!!