There is an important relationship that often gets overshadowed by teachings about marriage and parenting relationships. These relationships are certainly important and need to be taught regularly. But for today we are going to focus on the relationship among friends: friendship.
There is a dear sister in Christ who started calling me her “Forever Friend” a while back. The first time she said this my ears perked up. It was a thought provoking moment. What does that mean, forever friend? We are not just casual or part-time friends, friends that “hang out” cause we’re bored evading any kind of loyalty. Even if we don’t see each other often as physical distance hinders it, we are mutually connected at the heart. This is a bond that a “team of wild horses” couldn’t tear apart. After years of friendship I now entered the forever circle. What an honor that is! Seriously, I’m getting choked up as I type. Tiffany, I love you too, my forever friend!
Friendship is a desire we all have. It is defined as: the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends; a relationship between friends; a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.
What is a friend? A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
Let me just say that Jesus is the ultimate friend!
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13 NKJV Having a relationship with God because of Jesus’ death and resurrection gives you all you need spiritually. What an awesome friend we have in Jesus!
For some, He may be their only friend. People can be hurtful, manipulative, controlling, and untrustworthy. If you’ve experienced being hurt by someone you thought was your friend you may feel betrayed. Betrayal is one of the worst things a person can go through. And because of this betrayal, you’ve closed the door to other friendships because you just can’t trust people.
That is no way to live! Yes, it’s true, people can do things that are very much contrary to what it means to be a friend. But remember, “Hurting people hurt people.” I have found that most people don’t get up one morning and think, “Gee, I think I’ll betray my friend today.” There is usually something deeper going on emotionally than meets the eye. Or perhaps you offended them and don’t even know it.
So what happens next is a total breakdown of the relationship. One person offends the other so retaliation comes into play. And then it snowballs into a fiery downward spiral. Fighting and bickering destroy communication and the friendship is left to bleed to death. Next thing you know, the party who feels wronged makes a Facebook status about it.
This is not how God wants us to handle conflict with our friends!
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” Matthew 18: 15-17 NKJV
Conflict is to be handled privately. Open, honest, and mannerly communication is the key to resolving conflict in any relationship. If he or she hears you, and you hear them, oh what joy! But if they don’t hear you, take someone you trust with you to be a witness and mediator. If they still don’t hear you, go to the elders of the church. Who knows, you may come to discover you are the one in the wrong.
But if they are in the wrong and still won’t hear the voice of reason and wisdom of the church, then and only then is it time to let them go. “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26 NKJV This is not a friendship but a device from the enemy to keep you in strife. But, in all things and all situations, you must forgive them.
Friendship is a wonderful thing, but it needs proper attention and care. It needs both people to be givers and receivers. It needs mutual trust and understanding. It needs time together, and time apart. It needs for each person to accept the other just as they are while encouraging them to mature into the person God created them to be. It needs love, respect and loyalty.
We are all unique and we need to see the beauty in our differences and the comfort in our likenesses. We need to be loyal to our friends, in the good and bad, forgiving them often and laughing with them even more often.
“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a
friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:26 NKJV
In His Service,
Rebecca Hamilton, Founder/ Executive Director
For Every Great Battle, There is a Great Victory!!