Rob and I recently celebrated our fourth anniversary. It was a celebration of friendship. The value of true friends is priceless. What is a true friend? I described it like this on my message to my husband on Facebook, a message given to let the world know how much I appreciate him as my friend.
“A true friend accepts you for who you are. They lift you up when you are down and tell you what’s what when you are wrong. You can be yourself around them and reveal your darkest secrets. They stick by you even at your worst and admire you when you are at your best.
A true friend will get irritated at you and let you know it. And they have faults too, just like you. But they will defend you when others are being unkind. They are loyal when others turn on you.
I have many true friends in my life that I am thankful for, but one stands out from the rest. Happy 4th anniversary, Rob, you are my best true friend.”
There was much unsaid about friendship in that message because the qualities of a true friend are just too numerous to list. But there were also things unsaid about what disqualifies a person to be called a true friend in your life.
I’d like to discuss today the value of not keeping toxic people in your life. Even if all you are left with is Jesus as your friend, your life is better than having magnitudes of folks who call themselves your friend, but aren’t. “Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife.” Proverbs 17:1
Yes, we are to love one another, even our enemies. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor (fellow man) and hate your enemy.’ ‘But I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous [those who are morally upright] and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him].’” Matthew 5: 43-45 AMP We are to pray for those who spitefully use us. But we are not commanded or even suggested by God to keep people in our lives who cause strife and division. In fact, God tells us to stay away from such people. We are called to peace.
Let’s not confuse this with using wisdom in a situation that has just plain become uncomfortable. Sometimes we just need to separate from those who we are starting to not get along with but whom we still value as friends.
Abram recognized this when he called to separate from his nephew, Lot.
“So Abram said to Lot, ‘Please let there be no strife between you and me, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we are brethren. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. If you take the left, then I will go to the right; or, if you go to the right, then I will go to the left.’” Genesis 13:8
They found a solution to end the strife between them. It was better for them to part company than to live in strife.
But more so than simply putting distance between ourselves and another simply because being in too close company for too long causes stress, there is also a type of “cutting off” from people who are downright toxic.
Let’s put our focus on that in this discussion.
“Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; Yes, strife and reproach will cease.” Proverbs 22:10
God calls us to cast out the scoffer to not only live in peace, but also to protect us from their corruption. “Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was.” 2 Timothy 3: 1-9
Romans 1: 29-31 also describes toxic people: “being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful…”
“From such people, turn away!”
Sometimes these traits can be spotted a mile away. But sometimes they are not always apparent because the culprit is much more cunning. “So, how do I recognize such a person in my life?” Pay close attention to the words that come out of their mouths.
“Peter said to Him, ‘Explain the parable to us.’ Jesus said, ‘Are you still lacking in understanding also? Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.” Matthew 15: 15-20
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
But let me put out a word of warning before you start writing people off as toxic: Make sure you do a heart check first to ensure that it is in fact not you who is the one being toxic.
“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4: 30-32
God wants us to live in peace with each other. Make it your mission to do just that.
“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Luke 13-14
In His Service,
Rebecca Hamilton, Founder/ Executive Director
For Every Great Battle, There is a Great Victory!!