While at the movies on our vacation last year, I made a quick stop in the restroom before it began. As I washed my hands, I noticed a soft sniffle coming from one of the stalls. I looked around and saw 2 other women, one washing her hands, the other drying. Deciding they were probably with the owner of the cries coming from the occupied stall, cries which were now becoming more pronounced, I headed for the door. But something in me, perhaps that still small voice, urged me to turn back. As I headed back toward the stall, the other two women left the restroom.
I definitely assumed wrong. They were not keeping company of the crying person.
Walking up to the stall, I asked, “Are you okay?”
A small voice, that of a young girl about the age of ten, answered, “there’s no toilet paper.” And she cried a little harder this time.
I almost couldn’t believe it. These low sobs, going on for well over a minute now, where from a young girl who was simply out of toilet paper. Here I thought the still small voice of the Most High was leading me to rescue someone from great distress. To be a comforting, listening ear for someone going through something horrendous.
Nope.
Don’t get me wrong. To that young lady, being out of toilet paper, was indeed a stressful situation for her. I could hear the desperate panic in her voice when she cried out, “there’s no toilet paper!”
Sometimes, Elohim guides us in ways that seem small, trivial, unimportant. But to the recipient, they are not small, trivial, and unimportant. To the recipient, it is what is most important in that specific moment in time. To the young lady, it was a matter of toilet paper, a most important need in that moment.
Do not assume you do not need to get involved in the small matters of life when it comes to helping people. It can be a matter of having a really bad day for them, or a day that turned out just fine.
But, there’s another aspect of this story worth mentioning. I made the assumption that someone else would help the owner of the cries coming from the bathroom stall. I assumed the other women, or at least one of them, was either with her and knew why she was crying already, or that, at minimum, didn’t know her and would be the one to help.
All too often, we assume that the thing that needs to get done will get done by the aid of others. We don’t get involved because we assume others will. But that is often just not the case.
This is called the Bystander Effect. According to Wikipedia, the Bystander Effect “is a social psychological phenomenon in which individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim when other people are present. The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that one of them will help. Several factors contribute to the bystander effect, including ambiguity, group cohesiveness, and diffusion of responsibility that reinforces mutual denial of a situation’s severity.”
I learned of one such horrendous case of “Bystander Effect” in college regarding the murder of Kitty Genovese. Kitty Genovese was murdered outside her New York City apartment in 1964. The New York Times estimated there were 38 possible witnesses to her demise, either in ear shot or direct sight. This claim has been disputed, but one witness did see a man attacking Kitty and yelled for him to “leave that girl alone.” Which caused her killer to flee. Kitty then tried getting into her apartment building but could not get in the locked door. Her killer returned, raped her and stab her again, repeatedly. Calls to police were finally made and Kitty died on route to the hospital.
It is tragic to think that Kitty may have survived the first stabbing (2 knife wounds to the back) had those who heard her screams and saw her get attacked went to help her before the killer returned and finished what he had started.
After the death of Kitty Genovese, researchers embarked on some social experiments in which they staged emergency situations with actors. In one such experiment, the actor, a woman, fell. What the researchers found was that “70 percent of the people alone called out or went to help the woman after they believed she had fallen and was hurt, but when there were other people in the room only 40 percent offered help.”
In other words, you are more likely to help a person in need if you are alone with them than if you are with them in a group or crowd of people. In a crowd, we tend to “diffuse” responsibility. Had I been in the restroom alone with the young lady, I would not have ignored her cries. I would not have assumed someone else would help as there was no one else.
The diffusion we adopt can be a matter of life and death to a person, or just simply a matter of needing toilet paper. But either way, we all need to make the conscious decision that we will be the one to act. We will be the one to jump into action and help out in emergency and non-emergency situations. Do not assume someone else will do it. You be the one.
“And replying, Yeshua said, ‘A certain man was going down from Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) to Yeriho, and fell among robbers, who both stripping and beating him, went away, leaving him half dead. And by coincidence a certain priest was going down that way. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Lewite also, when he came to the place, and seeing, passed by on the other side. But a certain Shomeroni (Samaritan), journeying, came upon him. And when he saw him, he had compassion on him, and he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. And having placed him on his own beast, he brought him to an inn, and looked after him. And going out on the next day, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Look after him, and whatever more you spend I shall repay you when I return.’ ‘Who, then, of these three, do you think, was neighbor to him who fell among the robbers?’ And he said, “He who showed compassion on him.’ Then Yeshua said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’” Luke 30-37 The Scriptures version
In His Service,
Rebecca Hamilton, Founder/ Executive Director
For Every Great Battle, There is a Great Victory!!